I achieved very little today.
Most of my time was spent in meaningless, trivial tasks.
It was as if I had no intention to use the day.
This is perhaps how lives become mediocre.
I have often wondered why people waste their time being mediocre. I think I see how that might happen now.
I spent my day clinging to status quo. I looked at my to do list, imagined failure, developed a fear, woke up cynicism inside me and stay put.
I didn't spend any time making my life or others lives any better.
This is a criminal act. I have murdered time. For some reason the dominating emotion that led to this humongous waste was fear.
I was afraid that I have screwed up or that I will screw up the tasks in front of me and when faced with this fear, I decided to distract myself from my present rather than deal with it head-on...
The temporary relief from a distraction seems to provide me with that sliver of happiness in which I bask until the clouds of guilt return.
Why do I sense failure though? Why do I not anticipate victory? Why do I not see a rosier future?
I anticipate failure and I succeed in getting it.
Perhaps the root cause is how I perceive myself.
I need to visualise victory, do my best and hope for the best.
I need to start the day with the confidence that the result is in God's hands. All that I can do is work with only victory in mind.
Goal for tomorrow:
Visualise success.
Start the day early.
Don't put yourself down.
Always smile.
